Open Book

January 8, 2010

I have never really written a blog post before – but somehow I have the urge to write one now. It does not go with my vow to keep this strictly a photoblog, so I hope this sudden post does not throw you off.

As a new year begins, I always reflect on the year, even more so than I already about my life and what I have done and the things I have learned. I have been having a lot of thoughts lately, so much that thinking is an activity or an event to me. I stop to ask myself what I want to do and why am I doing what I am doing. Is the path I have chosen the right one for me; I wonder about my future; I think about what I need to change about myself. Sometimes there is so much on my mind that I cannot even organize them into logical, rational thoughts. It doesn’t just stop there—I also think about various things in this world—from the society, to arts and culture, to human relations, to science and religion, to politics and trends, even to the beauty of language and travels; there are so many things that I want to know about and experience!

Why am I writing this

Clearly, I need to organize all my thoughts. I have realized that when things are not written, they are easily forgotten; at least in my case. And like a broken telephone, my original thoughts would be altered and faded if I don’t flesh it out. I want to document this and even if I sound silly because it’s all a part of my growing up. A tangible record of my reflections would allow me to follow through what I tell myself I should do, or at least it is an attempt to. I do forewarn you of long, repetitive ramblings and my constant foolish theories about things.

An innate inquisitiveness

Someone once told me that I’m one of the most self-reflective people he has ever met. It came as a surprise to me because I have never thought of myself that way, until it was pointed out. As I talk to different people and I asked them about this, they too seem to agree with the idea. Come to think of it, I am a very curious person—I always want to know about things and learn about things. As a child, I probably asked a lot of “why” and “how” questions. As I am sure many people share this characteristic; there are so many wonderful things in this world to know about and experience! Just last night, I talked to my friends about how vast the universe is and how incredible organisms are. Just think that the Milky Way galaxy is just one of the millions of galaxies out there is already make me awe of the creation of this existence. At the same time, this existence can be as small as an atom or a molecule. I can go on for a while about this, but that is just one of the many examples of what a chatterbox I can become on almost any topic.

What intrigues me

A lot of my thoughts are provoked by the films I see, sometimes the lyrics to a song, the books I read, general everyday activities, but most significantly, it is through the conversations I have with people. One of the most intriguing things I find are the connections that people make with each other and how much is gained through talking to that person and conversing intellectually, a heart-to-heart with substance. Whenever I talk to someone I really treasure that because I know I am always learning something new and I am sincerely really happy to talk to people. Of course, not every conversation will turn out like that but it is generally a very delightful and pleasant experience. I love coffee shops—I can sit there and read a book, look out the window at the passing strangers on the streets, look at people in the shop and observe their body language and what they are doing, and of course having a chat with someone over coffee is always great.

Recently I watched two relatively older films: Before Sunrise (1995) and Before Sunset (2004), both of which are movies I really enjoyed, merely for the conversation that took place. Actually, the basis of both films is just a conversation between two people. It definitely is not a typical love story but a rather a true, honest analysis of love and life and people’s behaviour and how our ideals contrast with reality.

Here are a few quotes from Before Sunrise:

“You know what drives me crazy? It's all these people talking about how great technology is, and how it saves all this time. But, what good is saved time, if nobody uses it? If it just turns into more busy work. You never hear somebody say, "With the time I've saved by using my word processor, I'm gonna go to a Zen monastery and hang out". I mean, you never hear that.” –Jesse

“I kind of see this all love as this, escape for two people who don't know how to be alone. People always talk about how love is this totally unselfish, giving thing, but if you think about it, there's nothing more selfish” –Jesse

“I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood, and without making it look my whole life is revolving around some guy. But loving someone, and being loved means so much to me. We always make fun of it and stuff. But isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?” –Celine

And here are a few quotes from Before Sunset:

“I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.” –Celine

“You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details.” –Celine

“There are so many things I want to do, but I end up doing not much” –Celine

[about his marriage] “I feel like I'm running a small nursery with someone I used to date” –Jesse

“They enjoy the goal but not the process. But the reality of it is that the true work of improving things is in the little achievements of the day.” –Celine

These are two brilliant films and I highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in a truly stimulating conversation about people and life and everything in between.

High on life

I like a lot of things. I am grateful for what I have and what I have been able to experience. I also know there are many other things I want to experience and learn. By finding out what they are, it will be a way to guide me through how I want to live my life. I admire talent and I wish to be talented myself. It feels really good to be good and passionate at something because I would get so much joy from doing it! Even though I have taken on many hobbies, I really enjoy every single one of them and am determined to pursue them. Photography, in particular, is special to me. As it has been said many times before by many people so this may sound lame, but it really is the ability to capture a moment—everything in that moment—that makes it so fascinating. It could be a smile, a window corner, a face in a crowd, the stillness of a room, the look in someone’s eyes, and anything that you can think of. My goal is to be able to capture the feeling of that moment in the picture so that anyone could abstract such feelings just by looking at the photograph. Ultimately, what I enjoy is looking at beautiful things—not necessary pretty, but anything created with love and thought is beautiful. But of course, I also like pretty things! Design is also an important part of my life—interior design, fashion, and even packaging all really interest me. Music is another very important aspect. Listening to music and playing music can be really mesmerizing in that so much emotion can go into it and be evoked. When I feel sad, listening to music can literally make me feel better. When I read books, I get lost in a trance. And when I think, I start to day dream…

Goals for a direction

Goals should be written and I am going to start it this year. It may just be a placebo effect that having it written down will make it more achievable, but either way, with my poor memory, writing it down is probably a good thing!

Personal

-continue to pursue my hobbies

-bring positivity into my and others’ lives

-travel

-be open minded

-try something new

-be more patient

-be a good listener

-keep in touch with friend

-meet new people and learn something about them

-find out what is important to me

Academic/Career

-develop discipline

-keep up to date with knowledge

-prioritize and balance

-explore (outside the box)

-do not be afraid to voice my opinions

Mental dump…

This perhaps only covers a tiny part of all the random thoughts I have. The fact that I decided to even write anything down is taking the first step for me. Every time I have a revelation, I would always be on a mental dump stage. Maybe next time I will post it here right away. I don’t know if I even brought across a point in what I wrote—these are simply my random thoughts. Random as they may be, their importance is not anything less than the homework I have to do. Hence, I wrote over 1500 words to document my ramblings. If you are still reading this, thank you for bearing with me—there will be another 1500 words another day!